There are five different types of people who come out of the wood works that when you are chronically ill. The different types of people are the fixers, pitiers, manipulators, the indifferent, and caregivers.
A fixer is someone who goes ahead and makes decisions for you when you don’t ask them to. This would include cancelling appointments, showing up unannounced, suggesting things to the point where they’ve beaten it to death, and they tend to get frustrated when you ask them to stop, or to mind their own business. The difference between a fixer and a caregiver is that a fixture thinks that the newest latest trend in healthcare will fix you. Whether this is volcanic ash, mushrooms, infused juices, oxygen therapy, hydration therapy, and the list goes on and on. The point is a fixer thinks that they can fix you. Where it really starts to frustrate me is when someone suggests and suggests to me things over and over again and they explained to me that it will fix my illness. Now the problem here is I don’t have just one illness and I don’t have just one complication I have multiple of both. Having someone tell me that something they discovered on the Internet or tried themselves is going to fix me it’s highly unlikely unless they have all the diseases that I have. And I’m not mocking or condemning any holistic approach to getting better. What I am saying is I have tried my fair share of stuff and have had adverse reaction’s. It is not safe for me to be putting new things into my body that I have not tried and could mess with my medication. Prime example here is the charcoal toothpaste I tried, it however absorbs and cancels out some of my meds. Not something listed on the label is that Charcoal actually absorbed and neutralized my medication. So this lovely thing that is so good for so many, is not something I can take because of the extensive list of my medications. There’s nothing wrong with being a fixer I understand why you’re a fixer. But as I have said to countless fixers over the years, please stop trying to fix me because I’m not a broken vehicle that you can replace a part in, I am not an experiment for you, I am my own person I can make my own decisions so please back off. I mean that in the most loving way because if you keep pressuring me into trying things that you want me to try it’s never gonna happen, and can eventually lead to friendships, and relationships breaking down.
Pitiers people who only feel sorry for you. I myself despise pity. It’s a big reason I didn’t tell people I was sick for a really long time. When I was first diagnosed with cancer the pity started flooding in. There were many comments made by people during that time that made and broke our relationships. Pitiers are the types of people that look down on you, they view you as sick, weak, and only can see you as an object of their pity. Over hearing others say, “at least your not as bad off as Anna,” is not only hurtful but it also shows the pitiers will us you to lift others up. In the sense of throwing you under the preverbal bus. I have also overheard people say, “poor Anna another diagnosis, of course she has that wrong with her too.” I understand some people don’t know what to say, however, the biggest and most obvious sign of a pitier is their eyes. You can tell by the way they look at you they are taking pity on you. This is why I didn’t tell people all of my illness journey until the last few years. I truly will never like pity, I still get pity looks. I don’t pity myself and I don’t need your pity.
Manipulators are those who either enter our lives after being sick or are with us from the beginning. Manipulators make you feel bad about being sick. They try to get you to do things that they want you to do and this usually involves you doing things for them. Don’t get me wrong I fully believe in helping out your fellow human and being a friend No matter how sick someone is. But when people manipulate you and try to convince you have to do everything for them,it’s time to reevaluate. Manipulators are toxic in any relationship, in my experience they can be deadly when you are chronically ill. It is wise to evaluate your inner circle regularly. I contantly take an inventory of those around me, I would encourage you to do the same. People who lift you up, encourage you, those are who you should keep in your life. If those you are wanting to keep in your life are manipulators please reconsider. Realize what a manipulator is, how they treat you, and how they could drastically affect your health in a negative way. I have been manipulated before. One of the signs of a good manipulator is guilt they leave in their wake. Manipulators do not have your best interests at heart, they are doing what they want to do for them and their own well being. Cutting a manipulative person out of your life maybe hard, they will tell all those around them that you were and are the bad guy. Hopefully others will eventually see what you saw. Don’t give up on you, you deserve better.
Indifferent people are those in your life that don’t necessarily care that you’re sick, and don’t really want to know what’s going on but they will listen. They seem to have no opinion about your illness, and also don’t understand the limitations of it. You can either view indifferent people as good or bad. Some people like to keep these kind of people in their lives because they almost in a way continue to treat you like you are healthy, they may give you a false sense of encouragement to continue to do things that doctors have said not to do. Please be wary of the indifferent they do tend to keep their own agendas over yours.
Caregivers are those who stick with us. They pull along side us as our health disappears. They remind us we are loved, we are important, and we deserve good things. Caregivers are not just family members, spouses, or lovers, caregivers are also true friends. True friends holding a greater understanding for their chronically ill friend. A caregiver does not try to fix, they do not pity, they do not manipulate, and they are not indifferent. A caregiver makes up for all the negative aspects of others. A caregiver always needs a break, not to hurt the person they care about, but to recharge. Some people will look at a relationship with a chronically ill person as a burden, as gaining a dependant. Not a caregiver, they view a chronically ill person as a person, they have empathy, they see them for who they are and not as a illness. A true caregiver will seek out the love of their life and fully embrace that chronically ill person, body, mind, and soul. Illness does not make you unloveable. A caregiver will step up to the plate and go to bat for the person they love,p. A caregiver is a one of a kind person. A special, selfless soul, that truly wants to offer love, and help. They respect the other person wishes no matter how hard it is. These people do exist. They are all around us. We all deserve love, happiness, respect and hope. Caregivers are amazing people and they are all those who stick with you. It’s because they care.
There are all types of people in the world, it’s important to know what they kind of people you are dealing with. You know there is nothing wrong with being sick, but don’t let yourself be pushed around by others because you are sick. You matter. You do have great worth, you deserve love, and respect. Do not quit on yourself.