Just because you are sick does not mean to should settle for being treated badly. Some people like to look in from the outside and make assumptions. “Your life must be perfect.” “Your marriage is so amazing.” What do others truly know about your private life? Nothing other than the theatrical performance you put on for them. What they choose to see or believe is what they think the reality of a your acting expresses.
Just because someone stays with you because your sick doesn’t mean that person is perfect or completely selfless. Sometimes, in some people’s lives, their spouses are abusers. The healthier person can form resentments towards the ill spouse. These resentments built up, comments begin to be said as little jabs here or there, these eventually snowball into larger more hurtful words. Chronic illness is hard on the person affected and those around them.
Just because your loved one is sick does not give you the right to verbally, or physically abuse them. Should you find yourself resenting your spouse for their illness, I urge you to get help for yourself. If you are a spouse, close friend or family member of someone who is sick and you know you are abusing them check yourself. Seriously, take a minute to ask yourself who are you really angry with? Blaming someone who is sick for being sick is illogical. Everyone deals with illness differently.
Someone who is chronically ill didn’t ask to be ill, they didn’t wake up one morning and say, “I have decided my life goal is to be sick and purposely disrupt the lives of others.” Before anyone is chronically ill they generally have the normie (someone who is not sick) mentality, living life to a good old age, accomplishing things they set out to do, having kids, white picket fences, walks on the beach with their spouse and countless vacations.
The sad reality is there is spousal, elder, family and friends that abuse and take advantage of people close to them who are sick. Abuse in these relationships stem from resentment. If you are resenting an illness you are resenting something that someone can not control. Yes diseases, illnesses, can and do destroy the physical body, what good is it to destroy the mental well-being of someone who is all ready suffering from physical ailments.
Denial is something that abusers love to live in. They will deny the fact they are abusing a loved one because they themselves do not view their mocking slander as harmful. These disillusioned abusers will also convince them-self they are justified in any verbal or physical abuse, because the resentment fuels their actions.
Not everyone’s relationship turns abusive but it is important to know that no matter how sick you are, you don’t deserve to be mocked for being ill. You don’t deserve to be treated aggressively, and verbally assaulted. Being battered and beaten physically is not acceptable behaviour towards anyone who is sick or healthy. It is not your fault you are sick, chronic illness happens. You deal with so much all ready. You don’t need to deal with being abused on top of it.
Please know you can reach out for help. Some people chose not to and that is their choice there is nothing we can do to change that. Please be kind and respectful of others and their decisions, we truly don’t know the full story. Not everyone that is abused will come forward or talk about it. Standing up or yourself and your rights is key in finding a happier you.
Thank you for reading my little blog post about abuse and chronic illness. Take care of you. You are worth it.
Hugs, and hope always.