Perhaps calling someone with no illness a normie is unkind. This is not my intent. People have called me a “sickie” before because they didn’t understand my chronic illness. We all have our journey, please understand this is a part of mine.
What is Normie Guilt? Guilting someone into doing something is a form of manipulation, when this is done by someone that has their health this is called “normie guilt.” I understand that people who aren’t sick tend to think they are helping by repetitively texting, “checking in,” or “encouraging,” us to get out and enjoy our sick lives.
The difference between encouraging us the “chronically ill,” to get out and enjoy our lives and do what we want. And the wanting us to spend our spoons on you are two different things. Now it’s not that chronically ill people don’t want to spend their spoons on their loved ones, whether it’s a friend, family member or spouse, it is simply when you have a limited supply of energy you want to be able to spend that energy on things that you love to do. For me a few of these things are crocheting (when my fingers, wrists, and shoulders are not dislocated, because sometime my elbow destroys that dislocation party), other times, it’s paintings, or spending quality time with a family that I dearly love and miss immensely. Now if someone comes to me and says repetitively that I should be taking more time for myself and doing things that I love, when I am all ready doing this, this is when (the chronically ill person) realize that someone else has their own motives. It would be a lie to say that no one had their own motives for how they acted or interacted with others
The comment as much as I am sure it is heart felt and full of love saying to me to “save all your energy for this event,” is putting pressure on me. Whether this event is something I want to go to or not. Sometimes yes I do push myself much more than I should, that is my choice and I am the one that deals with the blackouts, anaphylactic reactions, the heart palpitations, the chronic dislocations and so much more that if I listed it would possibly make the reader sick just from reading it. The point is please don’t push me, don’t “expect” me to do or be something you thing I should be. I will do what I can do with what I have been given. I am not intentionally ignoring you, I am sick I am fighting for my life daily through things that would make most people’s head spin right off like a top. I want to be at your event, your dinner, your party, your house and spend time with you. I will do my best, but should I cancel please don’t “normie guilt,” me when you don’t know the challenges I face.
I don’t get to spend all the time I want to with my friends because I’m not a super hero. But I do get to spend some time. I know it would be nicer to each other more often, but I am sick and I do need time to rest. Regardless of who you are in my life I will do my best to play the normal game (normal game meaning I will try to act normal) the fact of the matter is the list of things I am living with is growing and none of it is fixable.
I will always do my best to keep a smile on my face, I will always have hope in my heart. Sometimes life gives you life threatening conditions for a reason. To those of you whom love and support me thank you. For those of you learning about my illnesses, please take time to place yourself in my shoes. Being diagnosed with over fourteen things changes you. I still haven’t told my whole story of the different diagnosises I have received and I think I would like to share that here on my blog, but that is for another day.
To all of you living with or loving someone who is chronically ill please do not tell them how to spend their energy. No one really likes being told what to do. When doctors are telling you what to do having others do it to you is hurtful even if you have the chronically ill loved ones best interested at heart. Please respect me and my decisions, you may not agree with them, I may not agree with all yours. I am truly living to the best of my abilities.
Don’t set unreasonable expectations because my illness is unpredictable, guilting me of anyone else with chronic illness will not help us it makes us feel worse about a situation we can not control.
Thank you for your time. Please take care of you, you matter and do what is best for you and your energy. Don’t let others guilt you into manipulation.
Please feel free to check out my previous blog post, “Abuse And Chronic Illness.” https://annawerrunblog.wordpress.com/2017/05/18/abuse-and-chronic-illness/